Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Isn't that weird?

I get this question all the time when people find out that I talk to Abby, our daughter's birthmom, frequently or that we see her on a fairly regular basis. I can remember when Matt and I first were thinking about adoption. We were very fearful of an open adoption. When we would talk about it, the fears were all over the place and honestly somewhat irrational. What if she likes her birthparents more than us? What if they try to take her back? What if they are always around? What if they try to take over? What if....? What if....?

Most of those questions, in retrospect, were a little strange, perhaps, but they were very real fears, nonetheless. I think it was easy for us to dream up scenarios when we were still thinking about adoption and what avenue we were going to pursue to start our family.

But then we met Abby.

I cannot tell you the place this young lady has in my heart. She is like the little sister that I never had. She is like a daughter and a friend. I feel incredibly protective of her and want everything wonderful for her in her life. It's funny because people will ask me, "Isn't that weird? Isn't is strange for you to spend time with her? Isn't it weird for you to have her as a part of your life?" My thoughts are always the same. Why wouldn't we have her in our life? She gave us the greatest gift that anyone could ever give. She allowed us the privilege of being parents. She brought joy and laughter to our home after a period of incredible sadness.

We didn't have a traditional match through the adoption agency. Abby went to the high school where I used to teach and the woman who took my position knew about our situation and our desire to adopt. She happened to be one of the people Abby confided in about her pregnancy. When she heard about our situation, she contacted us and asked if we would consider adopting her baby.

I remember meeting with her and her father. I think we were all petrified. I know we were. We had been so hurt by the initial infertility diagnosis and then the horrible adoption fraud. It had not even been a year since all of our pain began and we weren't ready to endure any more. Along the way, Abby reassured us that she was not going to change her mind. As much as we wanted to believe her, that thought didn't ever leave us until we had Abigail in our arms with papers signed.

We were able to spend a lot of time with Abby before Abigail was born. We went to doctor's appointments with her, went to the movies, took her to dinner...all kinds of things. It was so wonderful to really get to know her before this enormous event took place in both of our lives.

So much more to tell about this wonderful lady. I'll save the hospital stories for another day... I'm just amazed, though, at the incredible love that God has placed in my heart for Abby. The unbelievable, selfless sacrifice she made allowed me to be a mommy. We have talked many times about what Abigail would be like, how she would be different, if she wouldn't have made an adoption plan. We've also talked about how her life would be different if she would have made a different decision. I am very grateful she made the decision she did. She certainly holds a very special piece of me.


  1. It doesn't sound weird to me. It sounds JUST LIKE something that our amazing God would do! :) Thanks for sharing your beautiful story!

  2. About 6 months ago, I was talking to someone my hubby and I knew and said in passing, well, I dont want to be late. We are eating lunch with Kali's birthmom. Her jaw dropped and she said, wow, I cannot believe you still meet with her. I hate when someone says something like that. She doesnt just stop being Kali's birthmom. Anyhow, letting ya know we still get these comments too and our daughter is almost 4!

  3. Here's what's weird - your lack of posting :)

    Hey - I gave you a blog award - head on over and check it out!!

  4. Not sure who I clicked on to find you but I'm glad I did. Sometimes I feel alone in loving our daughter's birthmom and wanting to see her and let her share a part of our lives. It's not weird at all it's a God thing that only He can do.